Q: He won’t let me rest: My husband and I have been married for two years. We don’t have kids yet. He loves and respects me so much and he has never cheated on me.
He’s such an amazing man that some of his ex-girlfriends want to come back knowing very well he is married. I know this because he tells me about them and asks me to answer his phone sometimes when they call. In sum, I have a peaceful marriage.
However, I have a problem he knows about—the sex is just too much for me.
I have written to you before about this same issue, and you advised me to talk to him, but that didn’t work because he got offended. He even said that he felt I don’t love him enough. His argument is if I did I would always want it too. He gave me space from then on and started hanging out with his male friends, claiming I’m too sweet and he couldn’t control himself when he was around me, so to him the solution was to stay away. I started to feel lonely so I pleaded with him to let things get back to normal. He did and I thank God things are back to normal but the issue is killing me.
See, the crux of the matter is that he is well endowed down there 😉
He can make love to me through out the night, especially on Fridays. He calls it Friday special. As for weekends, the least said about it the better. He won’t even allow me to cook, he will come behind me, grab me, put off the stove, pin me against the cabinet and have his way.
Sometimes, he picks me up for lunch and then takes me to a hotel. When he picks me up from work, he just can’t seem to take his hands off me.
I know that l love him hopelessly and I also enjoy his lovemaking just that he takes too long sometimes and we do it too often. Allos, how can we be having making love every morning before work, and every evening and sometimes midnight or dawn?
I feel like I can’t take it anymore.
I have monitored him very well and there are no signs that he is on drugs. He exercises a lot and is very particular about his diet; which means he’s not slowing down anytime soon.
Please l need help, how do I endure this? How do I match his sexual urge without feeling so overwhelmed?
A: One of two things: My dear, yours is not a normal relationship. You have a partner with a sexual drive that’s far above yours and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed but the solution doesn’t lie with you alone.
Studies show that if one partner is very much interested in having sex, but the other isn’t, being motivated to meet a partner’s sexual needs can benefit both partners.
It is very important, however, that this motivation to meet a partner’s needs comes from a place of agency, where you feel that you are able to meet your partner’s needs, and a delight in seeing him happy.
This means your husband has to also come to an understanding that you have needs that has to be factored into his desire for sex. Being mutually responsive to each other’s sexual needs can help both of you come to a place where he will not feel “starved” and you will also not feel overwhelmed.
However, the only way you can turn things around if it all depends on you (which seems to be your case) is to take control of your lovemaking. Don’t wait for him to initiate it. You should start deciding when, where and how you both have sex and since he is already into it he will go along with you.
You should be spontaneous at first. Surprise him just like he has been surprising you and have sex with him when he least expects it. From there, you can say no to sex and he will not feel unloved. Right now, it seems you are in a match where you are only taking punches. Fight back, throw some punches and let him feel overwhelmed too.
