Q: It was supposed to be one time: A few weeks ago I was reeling under depression from a bad relationship, occasioned by the betrayal of a friend, and the loss of my mum at the same time. It was my own little hell, custom made for me for reasons that I felt were beyond me.
I began to fantasize about suicide and it was at this time that my friend suggested her therapist. I was adamant at first but you know how caring friends behave, she would not take no so I said yes to get her off my case. I took his number and sent him a message on whatsapp. He asked me to come the next day but I had work so I postponed our meeting to be able to ask permission the next day.
My boss knew about my loss so she obliged and gave me the week off for my therapy sessions and also to recuperate from my bad emotional state as it was even affecting my work as a clients relations manager of my company.
I got to the therapist’s at our agreed time. His receptionist (a very lovely lady) directed me to his office. He was already waiting for me and because I was only doing it to please my friend, I couldn’t wait for the session to end already.
He started by asking me some very personal questions. He seemed to understand me very well so I was beginning to like him and the session. It was all going well then he got up from his seat and came to sit very close to me. He started touching me and then the touching started hitting on all the right places. I couldn’t control myself so I gave in to him and the rest they say is history.
It’s been two (2) weeks and this man won’t let me be. He wants another session and possibly a relationship but I am not up for it.
He’s been sending me all sorts of messages even to the extent of sending me flowers in the office.
I gathered he’s single too but judging from my previous relationship and the fact that he was so willing to sleep with me his client, I just can’t trust to have any relationship with him.
How do I get this dude to understand that I want nothing to do with him without hurting his feelings and/or threatening his career?
A: Pretty straightforward: The solution to your problem is pretty straightforward but it’s a problem a lot of ladies live with nevertheless. If a man is crazy about you and is charging at you with messages and gifts and all kinds of offers, it’s because you have not made it very clear to him that you don’t want him.
Some women think by merely saying no to men who are motivated to win them, such men should get the message. Others even go to the extent of being rude just to drive home their message but that only makes you a sport to a man. He will keep coming just like a bull keeps charging at a red cloth.
Go to him in a place that’s neutral to both of you. A restaurant will be the most ideal place. Talk to him in the most loving way that you can and let him understand why you can’t be in a relationship. Men are designed to see reason so explain with graphs and bar charts if you must. Make sure he sees things your way and you will be on your way to slowing him down.
It doesn’t end after this meeting.
Anytime he comes at you, don’t be rude but communicate your position of no-relationship as reasonably as possible. With times, he will either give up or come to accept that it’s not meant to be.
